Your birthday

Today is the fifty-eighth anniversary 

of your first day on earth 

and we will celebrate your birth

without you

I will cook your favorite meal

and mom will cook your favorite dessert.

No matter how hard I try

I cannot get past the hurt.

I miss you.

Today is your birthday

and we will honor you by celebrating on your behalf.

You taught me so much

how not to lie,

the importance of integrity,

the beauty of just being myself.

Because of you

I exist.

When I watched you die

I knew that I would no longer be who I once was

Your friends looked at me like I was pieces of you--unbelievable but true.

Sitting in the dark

I saw the disappearance of your final spark

Watched your last breath leave your chest

as you settled into your eternal rest.

You taught me how to be strong

to accept nothing less than the best

you believed in me.

On your last day

you told me how much you loved me, that i was an inspiring human being

and I knew that you were proud of me for the person I turned out to be.

You were ready to leave and so we set you free

we told you it was alright to go, that we would be okay

and maybe someday

I won't miss you so much.

But today, when we celebrate for the first time without you

I only know that I am not now who I was before.

And I miss you.